You Call This the Royal Treatment?
Bones About It
Wear What?
DIY
Not for Rubbing
Unwelcome Guest
First impressions can be misleading. The pixie-esque masseuse who appeared on the lanai of my private villa mere steps from the Caribbean Sea didn?t look like she?d have strong hands. Sixty minutes of torture later, I discovered her secret. She learned her technique from her grandfather, a bonesetter. Maybe next time I go to the orthopedist I should expect to get a massage. ? Lori Barbely
?Put this on,? said my Ko Samui masseuse, handing me what looked like a headband. ?Put it where?? She smiled and pointed down. I unfolded what turned out to be a tiny pair of fishnet undies. I squeezed into them, jewels exposed like a fisherman?s catch. What?s the point? I lay there as the tightness continued to diminish my chance of having kids. She giggled once. I pretended not to notice. ? Jon Whittle
We heard spa treatments on Tintamarre were free. ?But bring a bucket and trowel,? said a friend. The cliffs hold a clay lauded for its ability to rejuvenate. St. Martin women go there to tone flesh damaged by the sun ? or by too many croissants. So we troweled clay, mixed it to a paste with seawater and slathered it on. Even my spa-averse hubby felt the difference. No tip required. ? Ann Vanderhoof
I couldn?t concoct this in my most far-flung fantasy: a black-pearl massage on Tahiti?s Manihi Island. The scent of gardenias washed over me as a string of gems slid across my back. This would change me forever, except that the round, hard pearls hit everything but my pressure points. Ouch! I wanted to rip the pearls from her hands and wrap them where they belong: around someone?s neck. ? Heather Mikesell
I was in the Andamans prepared for a relaxed massage. I should?ve known better. After I hiked to a remote jungle hut, a 7-foot-tall guy had me strip naked and then proceeded to beat me up for an hour. Suddenly, there?s a sound in the bushes ? a 15-foot king cobra devouring a 12-foot water snake whole. I had to get out of there. By the time I limped back to the resort, I was a nervous wreck. ? Tony Perrottet
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