Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Hotel review: 7 Hotel & Diner, Kent

It's happy days at what must surely be the only American-style diner with rooms in BritainSunday, Monday, Happy Days. Tuesday, Wednesday, tum te tum. Corny, but I can't help humming the theme tune to my favourite sitcom, set in romanticised 50s America, as Clare and I pull up outside the 7 Hotel & Diner.This is, quite frankly, an unelectrifying location outside Orpington. In the gaps between passing cars we can see a field and some horses on the opposite side, but a rural idyll this is not. Mind you, it's very handy for junction 4 of the M25, and I always think it's good to have an escape route up your sleeve from motorways which come to a standstill.So why are we here? First, this is a one-off. In all the time I have been trotting about Britain, I have never come across an American-style diner with rooms. Second, I could murder a burger, and third, the interior of the 7 Hotel & Diner (25 rooms, opened in April), has been designed by Shaun Clarkson. Who he, you ask? Mr Clarkson does not do low-key. If you live in London, check out the Drapers Arms in Islington or Cheyne Walk Brasserie, or join me (in a manner of speaking) overnight at Carrington House, reviewed here in 2008 ("Tropical leaves, pink parrots and butterflies romp across the reception rooms, and upstairs the bedrooms have names such as Versace and Hollywood.")Goodbye grey sky, hello blue. Upstairs our twin turns out to be a family room, with a double, and a single tucked into a rather cosy corner. A bold palm print covers one wall, the rest is a cheery ice-blue, including the bathroom tiles.This is a no-frills hotel. Or, given the location, shouldn't that be motel? Furnishings are simple, a dressing table and stool, built-in storage housing kettle with coffee and tea things. Hairdryer, shower cap, fans, sewing things, can be provided on request.We do, however, have free Wi-Fi, loads of good lighting, and the hot orange curtains are black-out lined."I watched a film about Ritchie Valens last night," Clare says. "He was killed in the same plane crash as Buddy Holly. Made me realise what raw talent those people had. Hope there's a jukebox."There is. We've skirted the coffee lounge (which doubles as guest sitting room) into the crazy-slate-walled diner to check out a vintage Rock-Ola beside the bar. It's glory days are long over though. A modern system dishes out Perry Como instead.Settled on to green leather banquettes, we order mocktinis (delicious), corn and ribs ("tasty, bit tough"), and great burgers (mine slathered in chilli, Clare's heaped with devilled crayfish tails) in a sea of fries. Oh, and last but not least, a ridiculous banana split which threatens to make my trousers do exactly that. Wish I'd ordered from the kids' menu.Service is the "can't do enough for you" variety (and that goes for reception, too). The only thing missing is a cameo appearance from Joanie and Chachi.The bathroom extractor seems to have packed up ? it gets a little steamy in the morning. "Comfy bed," says Clare. "But no herbal tea, and we had to keep the window closed to shut out traffic noise. Seven out of 10."Breakfast ? are you kidding? I manage a smoothie to Clare's blueberries and yoghurt pancakes."Something exciting in an unexciting place," she says. It's true ? we're having such a good time on the A224 we don't want to leave.sally.shalam@guardian.co.ukHotelsKentFood and drinkSally Shalamguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds

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